Beyond the Deck
#7: Trouble With Your Team? Try Inconsistency
Leadership isn't about sameness — it's about seeing people as they are and helping them become who they could be.
Before I entered the communications industry, I was a special education teacher in New York City. For several years, I taught children with autism in Brooklyn and on the Upper West Side. As the sibling of a special-needs child, I believed teaching was about creating an environment where every child could reach their full potential.
So I arrived on my first day armed with a thick binder of color-coded lesson plans — objectives, activities, schedules, everything perfectly arranged for “the class.”
It took less than a week to realize I wasn’t teaching a class. I was teaching eight completely different children.
One child couldn’t sit still for more than twenty seconds. Another cried when glue touched her fingers. One refused to speak.Another screamed without warning.
My perfect binder did not survive the first week.
In a supervision meeting, emotionally exhausted, I told my professor, “I’m following everything the book says, but nothing is working.” She looked at me and said, “Are you trying to make the children follow your plan, or are you adapting your plan to follow the children?”
That question changed me.
My lesson plans weren’t the problem. My assumptions were. I kept my values consistent – safety, love, patience, curiosity. But I changed how I taught each child. One learned math while standing. One only responded through music. One needed visuals. One needed extra time.
And that was the first real lesson in leadership:
Fair doesn’t mean treating everyone the same. Fair means giving each person what they need to succeed.
Leadership Isn’t Consistency — It’s Connection
Years later, working with CEOs and startup teams, I realized the same truth applies in every workplace. Teams don’t fall apart because leaders are too demanding. They fall apart because leaders try to lead everyone the same way.
As Steven Bartlett — entrepreneur, investor, and host of The Diary of a CEO — says:
“Great leaders are fluid, flexible, and full of fluctuation. They are whatever shape they need to be to complete your motivation.”
About the author: Jenny is the co-founder and head creator of Day 2 Coaching.
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