#35: Four Ways to Get the Buy-In You Want

There's a particular kind of person who walks into a room and makes it warmer just by being there. My friend is one of them.

She heads a well-known PR firm in Taiwan, and a few weeks ago she arrived at our women's leadership gathering without slides, data, or a pitch — just a smile, genuine curiosity, and a quiet desire to be useful to everyone she met. She left with leads and connections that will almost certainly turn into business.

Which raises the question: why do some people effortlessly attract investors, employers, and partners, while others can't get anyone to return their calls?

The answer is simpler than you think: science.

Behavioral scientists have spent decades studying what actually moves people to act. Their conclusion? Influence isn't a personality trait reserved for the naturally charismatic — it's a set of learnable mechanics. Richard Cialdini, the world's leading expert on influence, identified four principles every leader should master.

Connection Comes Before Credibility

Before anyone hears your message, they decide whether they want to listen to you — and that decision happens in seconds. Vanessa Van Edwards, behavioral researcher and author of Captivate, puts it plainly:

"Whether we like to admit it or not, we decide if we like someone, if we trust someone, and if we want a relationship with someone within the first few seconds of meeting them."

The takeaway: find common ground early. A shared experience, a mutual frustration, an overlapping interest. When someone does something worth recognizing, say so. Warmth isn't soft leadership — it's strategic.

Sharing is Caring

The most underrated professional move is generosity, especially when it is done without asking. Covering for a colleague under deadline. Sharing intel that helps someone else's project. Flagging an opportunity that isn't yours to take. These gestures compound trust, credibility, and likability.

Alex Hormozi, founder of Acquisition.com, frames it well:

"Selling is a transference of belief over a bridge of trust. Therefore you cannot sell unless you believe. And they will not buy unless they believe YOU."

In a competitive environment, your reputation for generosity is one of your most durable assets.

Let Others Carry the Message

Humans are wired to follow the lead of people similar to themselves. Think about it — how often do you check Yelp before choosing a restaurant? Have you ever bought something your best friend recommended? The same psychology of social proof applies in the workplace.

As Cialdini notes, a peer's testimony will almost always land better than another directive from the top — influence travels better horizontally than vertically. Chris Voss, former FBI hostage negotiator and author of Never Split the Difference, puts a finer point on it:

"Persuasion is not about how bright or smooth or forceful you are. It's about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea."

Before your next rollout, identify your informal influencers — the trusted veterans, the respected voices — and bring them in early. Let them carry the message.

Make Commitment Public and Voluntary

Getting a yes in a meeting is easy. Getting follow-through is where influence falls apart. The difference almost always comes down to whether the commitment felt chosen or imposed.

Voluntary commitments stick. Pressured ones don't. And research shows that committing visibly to others — writing it down, saying it publicly — dramatically increases the odds of follow-through. Get creative: a handprint on a goal poster, a colored flag at each workstation, a thumbs-up at the town hall. On a personal level, a simple email does the work: "Your idea to run communications training for the sales team is exactly right — I've already looped in HR, and they're on board." That single message turns a conversation into a public commitment.

The rule is simple: commitment lands when it's visible and freely given.

None of this requires a charisma transplant. These principles work because they reflect how people actually make decisions — not how we wish they did. Leaders who internalize them don't just close more deals or rally more teams. They build the kind of reputation that generates momentum long before they walk into any room.

That's an advantage no deck can fully convey.

About the author: Jenny is a co-founder and Head Creator of Day 2 Coaching.

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