#29: Stop Monologuing, Start Persuading

A few years ago, I was gardening with my mother when I spotted something unexpected among my hydrangeas — a rose. Deep, velvety petals, perfectly formed. Completely out of place. My mother glanced over and said without hesitation: "A beautiful rose in the wrong place is still a weed."

That line has become a north star for me when I need to make a decision that involves another person. If values don't align, no matter how wonderful your idea is, it will be rejected.

To be an effective communicator, before giving any output, first ask yourself, "Is what I'm offering aligned with what this person actually needs?" Without desire or necessity on their end, there is little reason to be persuaded.

Persuasion Is Not Performance

Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person is just clearly uninterested or confused? You feel you are just talking to yourself. Frustrating, right? Monologuing is ineffective and soul-sabotaging. Yet, so much of what passes for persuasion in boardrooms is exactly that: carefully structured and well-rehearsed but completely disconnected from the person on the receiving end.

Nelson Mandela, South Africa's anti-apartheid revolutionary and first democratically elected president, understood perfectly that true communication begins with meeting people where they are. He is widely credited with the principle: "If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart."

US President Theodore Roosevelt is often attributed with saying people don't care how much you know, until they know how much you care. In other words, they need to know you are meeting their values before they reciprocate.

The Technologist Who Gets It

Few leaders have demonstrated value alignment as deliberately as Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella. When he took the helm in 2014, he didn't open with a product roadmap — he opened with empathy. Nadella has argued that the best products Microsoft ever created came from "a deep sense, an intuition, of the unmet and unarticulated needs of our customers." He asked what the world needed before making his case to it. That discipline — aligning before persuading — transformed Microsoft from a company in decline into one of the most valuable on the planet.

Communication breakdown: "Sun" vs "Sun"

Value alignment is only the first pillar. The second — equally neglected — is definition alignment.

A recent HBR article, strategist Andrea Belk Olson pointed out that a major killer in corporate strategy sessions is jargon. Words like "innovation" and "agility" often create more confusion than clarity. Why? Because each person filters those words through their own experience. The strategy fails-not because the ambition was wrong, but because words were doing different jobs for different people.

A real-life example: Last week, a fellow Day 2 Coaching coach and I led a communications workshop for a global company's supply chain team. As an icebreaker, we paired people up. One person had a drawing; the other had a blank sheet. Person A described the image in words. Person B drew what they heard.

One pair worked with a sun. Person A said simply, "Draw a sun." Person B drew a circle with straight lines radiating outward. The actual image was a circle with soft, curling flames. Both were suns. Both were reasonable. They looked nothing alike.

Three Practices to Achieve Alignment

Research before you present. Know what is valuable to your listener before you walk in. Ask: What can I offer to make their job easier? What makes them look good in front of their own stakeholders? Alignment is not accidental — it is the result of deliberate preparation.

Be specific. Vagueness is your enemy, and assumptions often lead to confusion. Instead of "we want growth," say "our goal is 10% year-on-year." Instead of "find us a venue," say "find a space for 200 people with a private room where VIP speakers can rest before the conference." Numbers and descriptive detail anchor understanding.

Say it back. Nothing wastes more time than repeating a task due to a misunderstanding. Invite your listener to reflect on what they heard. As a listener, confirm: "If I understood correctly, you'd like me to…" That single sentence — humble, clarifying, precise — is one of the most powerful tools in any communicator's toolkit.

Persuasion Begins Before Your First Word

Most of us were never taught this. We were taught to prepare arguments, rehearse delivery, and anticipate objections. Rarely were we taught to pause — before all of that — and ask: Is there genuine alignment here?

Not every room deserves your pitch. Not every partnership is worth pursuing. The ability to assess that honestly — before you invest your best words — your secret power to persuasion.

So the next time you prepare to persuade, do your homework first. Before you even step into the room, find out what they value. Learn what keeps them up at night. Then decide whether what you're offering is truly a rose — or merely a weed in disguise. In other words, gather enough intelligence so you can make sure that your sun is the same sun as their sun.

About the author: Jenny W. Hsu is the Co-Founder and Head Creator of Day 2 Coaching.

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